My heart hammers in my chest as I write these words to you. I feel my edges stretching, my boundaries shifting as I grow. I feel vulnerable and exposed, I have found myself in a strange place, the sun is coming out here in our southern lands and yet I feel my energy going inward. I feel like I am in a space of change and although that is what the spring time energy is about, I don’t feel like I’m unfurling out into the world yet, rather unfurling within. I decided to have a month long break from social media after realising it was getting me down. The space of joy and inspiration had become a place of comparison and food for my inner critic. Moving to the other side of the country has been wondrous and strange but loneliness has been triggered, inflaming the wounded places of the inner child as I deal with how on earth to make friends and find like minded magical folk here in our new place whilst simultaneously dealing with my hermit artist personality. Perhaps that is where this going inward began. I want to connect on a realer level than I ever have, I want to wholly embrace my true heart without editing or dulling myself down to fit in. I think I have worn myself out trying to fit in to the art world who don’t like faeries and the real world that doesn’t like witches. I spent my life in Perth struggling with my inner critic tearing me down every time I shined or stepped too far over the ‘weirdo’ line. Coming here to this new land I am free of my self-made constraints, I don’t know anybody, I’m free to be who I want to be, a new start that has shined a light on just how lost I had become, how blocked, edited and scared. I remember when I was 20 I had a kind of awakening, a massive shift in my whole being, the phrase “Authentic Self’ became the focus of my life and this is where I learnt to open my heart and tune into what resonated, the love, the joy, the squee.
Now here i am 14 years later and back in the same space almost but not quite, but I do feel the spiral of life as she wrap her arms around and beyond me as I look back. I see how far I have come, I see growth and magik and now I call in bravery. Bravery to show up, real, vulnerable and honestly. Bravery to not dull and edit myself to fit in anymore. Bravery to face the thorns of my inner critic and love, I imagine I am going to need a bucket of love in my travel pack too.
So this is my first step. I’m reaching out and I am going to wave my big weirdo flag high and wildly. I stand here hand on heart and ask you to join me, to stand up too, for love and wildness and Your truth, whatever that looks like, whatever you believe in, whatever you love. Let’s have deep love and compassion for our inner child and patience with our critics, to create space for our radiant Adult selves to come shining through. No more will I edit myself, or listen to the doubting naysaying critics, I shake it all off, and I ask for the bravery to tune into my authenticity, to listen and act upon instinct and intuition, to bravely dance my dance and allow you the space and time to dance yours. The world doesn't need us to be anything like any other and so we need not compare or compete with each other. Let's just be.
Hello My name is Sarah
I have chosen the name Faerie.
But really I’m a witch, a priestess, a mystic, a hedgerider and walker between worlds.
I have been labelled mad, I have been diagnosed, medicated and squashed. I have been the victim, I have been afraid, I am flawed and human, I have lived in denial, shame and blame.
I discard these veils, in fact I’ll set them on fire.
For I am the phoenix
I am a magik maker, an alchemist, transforming the shit of life into gold.
I am an artist, I am a maker, I will walk the path of the heart gathering the lost things, the strange, the squee, the wild, the colourful and the curious and I shall make my life out of this beautiful mess.
I am highly sensitive and I feel it all, I feel the rejection, the contrast, the difference, the judgement.
It is time now instead to tune into my own feelings, to relax into the heart space and from here I shall begin to fly.
Its Dark Moon, i'm two weeks into the social media break, i'm making time to tune in within, to breathe, to be in nature and to create from a place of exploration and curiosity without the external reaching out into the interwebs for approval or watching of numbers of followers increase and decrease as if it means anything at all.
This space has been good, i feel there is more unfolding to come, in fact this feels just like the beginning
or the end which is the beginning
Brightest blessings weirdos xxx